Naps and Fall Leaves

You would think that motherhood would create a wave of blog posts, flowing continuously and gently upon the shore of published blogging genius. Not so. Although my head is full of rampaging thoughts that I think would be invaluable to write down (mostly for posterity, and maybe as a venting avenue), I don't . As a mom, you either write, or you don't. There is really no in between. You either spend your days composing about your children's latest antics, or.... your children's latest antics are stopping you from having any sort of moment to create. Thank God for naps, and fall leaves.

 The only descriptive word I could come up with to describe this fall's vast array of color, is, "Astonishing". Isn't God amazing? I'm astonished by a rusty tree-scape, spotted by brilliance of gold, red, neon orange, and luminescent purplely-red-goldy something. I am astonished by how little notice we take to the glory. Why don't we all go outside and just turn around and around, mouth gaping, eyes wide with wonder!? Why do we spend our fall days inside at all? Or at least we could knock out the west wall of our home and just put glass. Glass to be able to see out at all times. To be reminded again that we are not the center of the universe.

Confessions of a love-struck Momma

"I've missed you my Bloggy-blog-bloggers!" (so, I have an 8 month old baby boy. Does it show?) It's been 8 months since I've posted on this blog. Any new moms relate? I don't have time for such nonsense. I'm too busy wiping snot off my son's nose, squirting him with water with his rubber ducky (just to hear peals of baby giggles), and trying desperately to find lost brain cells from all the hours of sleep gone MIA (it's an uphill battle). Plus, I'm way too in love with my amazingly cool little boy to write about it. I don't know where to begin. A friend of mine once said. "Watching my daughter is like watching my heart walking around outside my body." He's a part of me and I love him more and more each day. Right now he's having a blast playing with a new toy my friend Jiyoung gave him. 

Malachi Lewis Dickinson loves everyone and everything. He hates getting his nose wiped and cries when I take him out of his favorite place, the bath tub. He loves his mommy, playing with his daddy outside, and will eat any food (and nonfood) you give him. He is a people magnet, and has only helped me in loving international woman in the name of Jesus. Actually, everyone loves him so much, that I think if I showed up on campus without my chubby little man, they would either ignore me, or demand to know his where-abouts and when he will return. I'm still waiting for my son to develop separation anxiety. I have passed him around from  Indian auntie, to Chinese auntie, to Russian Babushka, to Japanese auntie, etc.... since he was 5 weeks old. "He's so beautiful and strong!" I hear quite often from my friends. I had my doubts, when I was pregnant, about how I would handle working part time and being a full time mommy. It's not easy, and I still drop balls while juggling. But, I have found balance more and more each month. As he changes, I have to be flexible and change. I'm thankful to work for and organization that is super flexible with my family's needs.

I am blessed beyond measure to have a husband who adores our son and helps me with Malachi in so many important ways. We've been trying to figure out how to help him sleep through the night. Brent will get up and change his diaper so that Malachi doesn't demand to be fed. Malachi roars with anger when he see's his daddy, but he quickly calms down and goes back to sleep. Malachi didn't get the memo about our new plans for him and started teething hard-core as soon as we started the grueling "cry it out" method. Oh well, he's only a baby for a year, and 8 months have already flown by. I need to treasure every moment, even the ones when I wish I were fast asleep curled up next to my husband.
We'll, I hear him coming to the gate. We live in a "gated community" now. We bought 4 baby gates to try to save our son from his own curiosity. Baby-proofing is no joke! Bye bye bloggy. See you in another 8 months!

Lady in Waiting... with puffy feet.

Waiting... those who wait upon the Lord...
"Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.  Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord. Trust also in Him and He will do it. He will make your righteousness as the light and your judgement as the noonday sun. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from Anger and forsake wrath. Do not fret, it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the Land." Psalm 37: 3-9

I am waiting for my gift to arrive. It's not unexpected. But I don't know when to expect him, so again... waiting. Some friends of mine are going through hard times due to not getting pregnant in one case and the loss of an expected child, the loss of a hope, in another. These challenges puts my waiting in perspective. My baby will come. That's a sure thing. One way or another he will come.  How do you think God's people felt about waiting for the Messiah? How do we feel about waiting for our Messiah to return? Do we anxiously await His arrival as anxiously as I await my son? Do we prepare his room, make meals ahead of time, pack our bag, but otherwise live life normally....  in expectancy?

Random rants from a Pre-mom

Why are there flies buzzing around my head? Is it my shampoo? I find it annoying. I feel like writing a gazillion things about pre-mommyhood. A lot of them are not positive, as I selfishly think about all my discomforts, hormones, bladder issues, aches and pains, constipation, etc. At the same time I feel forced to think positively, and that makes me more negative. So for now, honesty is the best policy. There seems to be so many voices saying "it will be fine", "you should be thankful", etc. I'm tired of those voices. I cannot choose, or force myself to have a good attitude, it's a gift of mercy from our Father, to those with willing hearts and minds. It is important to be honest and to cry selfish tears during this time, as it is good practice for later (or so I'm told). I cannot make this baby come, even with the "timeless classic remedies" passed on from friends and family members who swear on the Bible that they work. Holding feelings inside and plastering on a fake smile when a dozen cashiers exclaim " Are you at the "get him out of me" phase?", doesn't help anything or anyone. Many of you may disagree. I'm cool with that. I am realizing how important this part of a song is to me right now. "Weeping may last for an evening, but joy comes in the morning." I think the weeping leads to the joy. What if we never wept? Would we recognize true joy when it came? The release of honest emotion is more healing and joy releasing for me then "trying my best" to be gracious.When I can see the reason behind the madness it's great. And I know we are supposed to simply trust Him. Deep down inside, I know this will end. I do trust it will bring forth fruit. I feel that fruit kicking me fiercely and nightly. I see evidence, I feel evidence, and soon will hear the evidence. Oh the joy that will bring. I am incredibly excited about our son. The suspense is killing me. Can I just be honest?

The good things about pregnancy

I feel inspired to write something. Maybe because I've been showered with love recently by so many people in the form of baby showers. Maybe it's simply because I have seen more answers to prayer in the last couple weeks then in the last few months. Maybe this is the last time I will start a sentence with "Maybe" and just say it's a combination of so many things. I am in the "time between times". Some of you may know that as "twilight" or "sunrise". The time right before a change form night to day or day to night. My favorite is twilight. And no it has nothing to do with cheesy vampires, so get that our of your head Twilight fans (yes, I said "cheesy"). It's generally a peaceful time of day where the sun shines through our sycamore tree on the west side of our property. It's gorgeous. But somehow, my heart is does not reflect this peace. My "time between times" is called... the last month of pregnancy. The last time I blogged I was in the exciting and energetic time called "the second trimester". It was fun. Now, I'm truly awaiting "night" or "day" to come. AKA: I'm ready for this pregancy to end. I'm over it. I'm terrified to be a mom, but it's coming... yikes!


 I have yet to write out our birth plan. I have yet to set up the nursery. We have yet to settle on a name for our son. I still need to make more meals to freeze. I have yet to clean every corner of my house so I can feel like I've accomplished my nesting freakish urges. I have had some migraines from stress. However time marches on. I will soon be a mom and no longer preggo. It's time to think positively and be thankful. Here we go.
The good things about pregnancy:

1. people insist on doing everything for you.
2. They tell you wonderful lies like " you're so cute." "What  a beautiful pregnant woman you are." and "your glowing". (I realize that they are sincere, but Mrs. Preggo find them hard to believe in her condition)
3. People enjoy giving you lots of fun gifts and throw parties in your honor.
4. People love this baby almost as much as you do. 
5. People pray for you more :) 
6. People make you food.
7. People smile at you more :) 
8. People are very interested in you and your baby. 
9. People are more polite and open doors for you. 
10. I can feel life inside of me. 
11. My husband rubs my back and swollen feet. 
12. I don't have to tie my shoes (saves time). 
13. I can talk to my belly without being deemed a crazy person. 
14. I can eat weird things and people just smile. 
15. My husband is very proud of my growing belly. 
16. Everyone wants to see pictures of my belly (now tell me what other stage of life this is true).
17. If you have int'l friends they share their advice and experiences with you. 
18.  It's amazing to realize what is going on inside your belly. 
19. I feel closer to Jesus when I think about my baby and the miracle he is. 
20. I feel like I can relate to my elderly friends with back aches, difficulty walking, or getting up out of chairs. 

That's all for now. If you think of any more. Let me know. Thank you to all who have shown me the beauties of pregnancy and how much Jesus loves me, my Brent, and our baby boy. 

Introducing our baby boy

Here is our tiny son. He's only 19.5 wks old and growing strong. He likes to suck on his hand already and I'm hoping that is a good sign for breastfeeding. I have no idea who he looks like yet, but he will be cute.

Our little warrior will be like his daddy because this momma is craving all of daddy's favorite foods; fruits, salty and crunchy things, and more salty and sour foods. He likes to move around when I'm still and I like that (right now). When he's huge I might think it's annoying. I am enjoying knowing it's a "he" and planning some names. We are keeping the name a secret. "Lord, help us to be parents worthy of this sweet life." Amen.

Introducing...our little warrior.

I am realizing more and more how appropriately named this blog has become. It describes my life to a tee. Maybe I should start expecting more of these gifts God throws at me. What do you think?
Although I'm not to fond of suspense, I do like surprises (when I don't know their coming). That's a true surprise!

This pregnancy was very much desired, but for some reason I didn't expect it when it came. I'm 11.5 wks as I write this and I feel like the end of my first trimester couldn't come fast enough. Will the fatigue get better before it gets worse? Please say yes!
Am I there yet? My jeans are now unbuttonable (yes, I know that's not a word). I call that an accomplishment as I can now see how quickly my belly is expanding. I would love to upload a "belly pic", but my camera is not cooperating right now so you will have to wait until I'm as big as a basketball (or barn). After last year's miscarriage, the nervousness is still beneath the surface, but slowly dwindling as I watch this child grow (from the inside out). I've started pestering Brent about names and he is showing his lack of interest to discuss it, quite well. When we can get past the "Albert, and Ruban" comments, I'll be happy. He shot down my favorite name since I was in high school. "Yes I know we're having a white baby. But wouldn't it be fun.....?" Oh. Apparently, J'Myra's not his #1 name.
Sometimes I forget I'm pregnant, and then I wake up. The familiar growl begins in my stomach and I roll out of bed for something (for the millionth time) to eat. I am slowly getting past the "I hate food" stage, and into the "I'm so hungry I could pass out (every 2 hrs)" stage.

I love this baby and I'm excited to see who she/he becomes. Some people doubt bringing children into this corrupt world. I too have my fears and doubts. However, what if this child could be a soldier for the kingdom of God? What if Brent and I could raise up (by God's grace and strength alone), someone who really cares and prays and shatter's the Enemies strongholds? Oh, Lord I pray that will happen! Who's with me?