Sick

I'm tired of getting sick every month. For those of you who read this semi regularly. It's about time I updated.

For a few years, several years ago, I went through a "martyr kick". I read about martyrs, bought Foxe's book of Martyrs, got the magazine, a weekly e-newsletter, and dreamt about being a martyr someday. Sometimes I would lament during a particular illness "I'm such a baby now, how will I ever stand up in the face of persecutors wanting to destroy me?" It may sound funny, but such was my passion.

My body has not been functioning at peak capacity since I said "I Do", or since we moved into this duplex, ( I don't know which one). If there is a germ to be nurtured and multiplied, I will be the one to do it. I used to get sick once or twice a yr. Don't believe me? Well neither does my new doctor. He told me. "I'm a firm believer in "An Apple a Day..." " Well," I said, "I eat tons of fruits and veggies and it hasn't seemed to keep you away yet." (yes, we are getting the duct work completely cleaned out and the house has been tested for mold).

Praise to the Lord the almighty who gives and takes away. The only God our Savior, who "does not owe us anything" (c.a.Zull) (borrowing that one from Crystal).
How can we say to our maker.."Why did you make me this way? " We are the clay.... let's be mushable! He knows how to make us into a vessel usable for him. Let's let him.
Martyrdom always seemed glorious to me. The highest calling possible. There are some that would disagree. I'm still not sure what I think. I do know that even though I would love to functioning normally again, I am thankful for so many things.

• Jesus is good and will remain good despite me or how many times I get sick.
• He has given me a wonderful husband. I could not have asked for better.
• I will heal and learn of his goodness in the meantime.
• even when I don't believe Him, He is still trustworthy.
• If feeling under the weather, gets me on my knees, bring it on.
• If it will induce more people to pray for me and my ministry... ok!

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty the King of Creation! Surly his goodness and mercy will daily sustain me. This post is a prayer and a cry for prayer. I am daily fighting against discouragement. I am encouraged by so many people, so many circumstances, and by my Jesus.

The Finest moments of 2010

Pictures speak louder then words. They scream. I bet I can say absolutely nothing about any of these pictures and you will know exactly what is going on. So whoever can guess what the significance of all these pictures are correctly, will get a jar of homemade apple butter from the Dickinsons. love to you all!
I am dependent upon the love and mercy of Jesus. Ephesians 3: 14-21

Journal

I started journaling when I was six years old. Back then, the compositions were short and sweet. Something like... "It's hot. My brothers are mean to me. I wish it were not hot. "
As time went on, the entries became longer, more dramatic, and full of whimsical charm. During my "innocent and sweet" years, (jr high-ish) I was particularly interested in a journal to my future husband. Now that I have a husband, I decided to give him my journal for his sentimental enjoyment and (I admit it) hilarious amusement.

While I was out of town a couple weeks ago, Brent decided to read my gift to him before he went to bed. He told me about a few entries. "We were meant to be, b!" (he calls me "b"). "Why do you say that?" I asked him. He told me about a certain entry I had made at 14 yrs old. Something about how much I loved fall and winter best (out of all the seasons), and how it must be because I was born in the winter. I went on from there to say I wanted my future hubby to be born in January. "I just think that would be perfect." I didn't believe my ears! Me, like winter? What's to like? Want my hubby to be born in January? Seriously! Well, Brent's birthday (as you might have guessed) is January 15th. As I thought back to those whimsical, naive years, I can't help but wonder if God was not completely in love with my pure faith and hope. Before I realized that prince charming was not real. Before, "reality" sunk in about boys.... He knew and answered a silly little hope of an 8th grade girl. Even though I couldn't care less when my husband was born now... it mattered to Jesus that 14 yr old Bethany Kathleen Zull, wanted a winter man. I may have grown up quite a bit since then. I may have gotten quite cynical.... but...
looking back (reading back) on my child-like faith. It gives me hope. It send shivers up my spine, actually. God really really cares, about the big and the little things. Be blessed, have hope, love, and know your are loved. Journal, pray, thank the Lord for your man or woman. God actually listens to our inmost thoughts. Your wish might actually come true :) Gasp!

Wedding Pictures

http://www.pictage.com/914856
The above link will take you to our wedding pics. Many people have asked me for access to them so here ya go! I am super impressed with them myself. Wandering Heart Photography w/ Sarah Wilson!

Accomplishments galore!

We are obsessed with accomplishment! We all have our certain "accomplishment obsessions". What if mine were to finish that ginormous apple in my hand? you would say... "that's it"? That's not reaching high enough. And I would agree with you.
What about getting over 3 different illnesses in 2.5 weeks? Now that's an accomplishment right? When going for a walk takes it out of you. When simply talking for more then 10 minutes is tiring, then we tend to think harder about our point system on accomplishments.

Recently God has been teaching me a lot about how my accomplishments, and works mean "squat" without Him. I am utterly helpless and hopeless without my God's backing. He empowers. I feel like I have written about this before.... hmmm. A theme maybe? I might just have a lot on my plate. I'm training for a marathon while planning 2 ministry activities next weekend, while teaching ESL, Bible Studies, raising up a team of financial partners in ministry, choir practice, prayer team meeting, small group and spending time with my man. I am not saying all this so that ya'll will be impressed by my time management skills. I'm actually appalled by all of this myself. The funny thing is... you are just as busy and it's normal, expected and encouraged to be "involved" in various "uplifting" activities. But what is all of this "accomplishing"? Really? When you read God's words, listen to the teaching of Jesus, what was important? I'm curious to get your thoughts and comments. Even one-liners would be great.

Pure in Jesus Christ

"Be Healed!" What enters your mind when you read a beginning like that? A televangelist with big hair and gaudy suite, slapping you on the forehead with a "holy handkerchief"? That's what I think of immediately. We laugh and joke about things like that because we don't believe it to be authentic. How does true healing come about? It is only by the power of God. We cannot heal ourselves.

For years I have struggled with the concept of my purity in Christ. I did not see myself as cleansed from my sin. Guilt from the enemy has plagued me for past forgiven sins. I believed the lies that I was unclean. The truth was prayed over me several years ago, I didn't believe it. I wept because I wanted to believe it, but didn't .
Yesterday, the Holy Spirit spoke to me, as in my weakness, His power was made complete. "Today is the day of Salvation!"
John 15:3 " You are already clean/pruned because of the word which I have spoken to you." And, "If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from All unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

I have realized yet again, the power of scripture. Satan is defeated. He will attack me again, but he is defeated by Jesus, and I will fight back with truth. I was already pure, a long time ago when I confessed, asked forgiveness and He said... "Of Course I forgive you! I died for you!". Now, I believe it! I asked God what took Him so long to heal me. He said, "I wanted to teach you, grow you, so you could look back and glorify My name for the power of My healing." It glorifies His name more... Wow!

"To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. ³²Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32

Love

It seems a lot has changed in the last 3 weeks. Let me recap.
Hmmm... I got married!!!!!!
And with that comes changes like... last name, living situations, learning to live with a boy, learning not to assume he knows what I meant by what I just said, "sharing" a bed (I tend to take over and sprawl), learning how to choose to love and show in word and deed, and learning how to confide in him more. hmm... maybe I should write a book.. ha ha!

Updating my last name is almost like becoming a new person b/c you have to change EVERYTHING! It's fun to move up in the alphabet a bit, but I will miss the convenience of a 4 letter last name.

The honeymoon was everything it should be; relaxing, fun, exciting, beautiful, and complete with the standard food poisoning and GI tract issues. We learned how to love each other in sickness and in health very soon after saying "I Do".
We are learning how to love our neighbors as ourselves (ask me). There is a lot of choosing joy and love when boxes are strewn all over the new place and the challenge of finding storage in a closet-less place comes into play. We are learning how to make life fun in every situation. I love my husband. He makes life fun, every day! I love how different we are and how complementary our character traits are. I love the way he loves me, from kisses to dish-washing to creating shelves all over the house and remembering sappy things like first dates. There are so many things I'm/we are learning it would take a book to fill... hmm. :)