Wednesday, August 29, 2012
"Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord. Trust also in Him and He will do it. He will make your righteousness as the light and your judgement as the noonday sun. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from Anger and forsake wrath. Do not fret, it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the Land." Psalm 37: 3-9
I am waiting for my gift to arrive. It's not unexpected. But I don't know when to expect him, so again... waiting. Some friends of mine are going through hard times due to not getting pregnant in one case and the loss of an expected child, the loss of a hope, in another. These challenges puts my waiting in perspective. My baby will come. That's a sure thing. One way or another he will come. How do you think God's people felt about waiting for the Messiah? How do we feel about waiting for our Messiah to return? Do we anxiously await His arrival as anxiously as I await my son? Do we prepare his room, make meals ahead of time, pack our bag, but otherwise live life normally.... in expectancy?
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Why are there flies buzzing around my head? Is it my shampoo? I find it annoying. I feel like writing a gazillion things about pre-mommyhood. A lot of them are not positive, as I selfishly think about all my discomforts, hormones, bladder issues, aches and pains, constipation, etc. At the same time I feel forced to think positively, and that makes me more negative. So for now, honesty is the best policy. There seems to be so many voices saying "it will be fine", "you should be thankful", etc. I'm tired of those voices. I cannot choose, or force myself to have a good attitude, it's a gift of mercy from our Father, to those with willing hearts and minds. It is important to be honest and to cry selfish tears during this time, as it is good practice for later (or so I'm told). I cannot make this baby come, even with the "timeless classic remedies" passed on from friends and family members who swear on the Bible that they work. Holding feelings inside and plastering on a fake smile when a dozen cashiers exclaim " Are you at the "get him out of me" phase?", doesn't help anything or anyone. Many of you may disagree. I'm cool with that. I am realizing how important this part of a song is to me right now. "Weeping may last for an evening, but joy comes in the morning." I think the weeping leads to the joy. What if we never wept? Would we recognize true joy when it came? The release of honest emotion is more healing and joy releasing for me then "trying my best" to be gracious.When I can see the reason behind the madness it's great. And I know we are supposed to simply trust Him. Deep down inside, I know this will end. I do trust it will bring forth fruit. I feel that fruit kicking me fiercely and nightly. I see evidence, I feel evidence, and soon will hear the evidence. Oh the joy that will bring. I am incredibly excited about our son. The suspense is killing me. Can I just be honest?