Monday, October 10, 2011

Home Owners

It's been a long time since I've posted anything. Mostly because I didn't feel like I had anything "new to write". No new revelations or astonishing news. We have been busy with our jobs and God has opened up "many" new doors. One of those is buying a house. We had been looking for a long time with lots of disappointments. Brent literally looked online every day for new postings and found very little we even wanted to drive by. It's so funny b/c everyone always told us..."Welp, now's the time to buy!" "There are a zillion houses on the market right now. " Like we were supposed to snatch something up over a weekend. I kept asking God, "do you want us to move out of this area, State, Country?" Are we not hearing you clearly about staying here? I've never been one to believe in storing up treasures on earth, but I really wanted Brent to have a play farm, somewhere he could express all his creative endeavors, and I wanted to bring my int'l friends to a cozy and inviting "home" with room for parties and barn dances :) I felt like God wanted us to completely trust him. Like, He actually wanted us to wait! Gasp!
It came at the perfect time. I was feeling especially dejected one day due to totally unrelated issues. I wasn't trusting God really, but I wanted to and was crying out for help. Brent came home and told me about "this place" he drove past and he thought we should check it out. I shrugged and tried not to get excited. I failed when I saw an amazing rainbow (a full one) in the sky. My camera can't do it justice, but I tried just the same. I failed to curb my excitement again when I saw this big and beautiful kitchen for me to spin around while cooking! Amazing! What I am amazed about the most was how God dropped it in our lap, 4.7 acres with two barns and a cool old home that has been updated (has the right plumbing etc), just to say... "I love you!". He owned this place and He saved for us, simply because he knew the cackle of delight that would escape from Brent's lips as he surveyed the perfect space to plant his new orchard. I want this place to be more then a place where we live. I want it to be a place where Jesus is glorified to the fullest. I want to sing his praises every day while I'm sitting out on the big front porch. I'm gloating people! I'm gloating over God's provision in a way that astounds me. Not because we have a cool house. But because His lovingkindness is better then life. He told me that day (the rainbow was a sign) that he loved me, us! He said. "Trust me with everything and for everything. I'm worth trusting." It wasn't the house that made me tear up. It was His extravagant love that we certainly don't deserve, given so freely in the shape of a rainbow (promise of His faithfulness) and a home that was exactly what we had asked for. It was even a promise of something better, yet to come. I'm excited to find out what it is.

Sunday, June 26, 2011


We learned that there are many different languages and worship styles but only one God. His people reside in different parts of the earth. They eat different foods and pray differently( Koreans pray out loud all at the same time). theses Korean young people were practicing a song for a singing competition in their church.

The second video is of my Filipina sisters in Christ worshiping God in a park on Hong Kong Island during their day off. It brought me to tears to hear their beautiful worship with out thought of what people would think of them. They were a beautiful example to me. Tears filled my eyes as I thought about them and the 4 years I spent in their beautiful country as a child. I don't know their names but I felt closer to them then to many of my church members in America. They had a passion and desire to worship that out shone any thing I've seen in the U.S. These women are working as house helpers/maids in Hong Kong. They have left their families back home in order to be able to provide for them and make a better life for them. They send the money back home. It's a touching example of sacrifice and how they connect in their communities.

Monday, June 13, 2011

The Familiar

"What is that?" "Well, I'm not sure. let's order it and find out ":)
Adventure comes in different colors and definitely looks different on everyone. As members of the human race, we long for the familiar. We may enjoy the occasional adventure of "fresh eel" picked out alive from it's tank and then cooked wriggling in front of you. But unless you grew up that way, an ice americano may be more comforting.

Brent and I are learning that this is true for traffic, food, ATMs, and coffee. For example, scooters in Seoul can drive anywhere they like including side walks and in between cars and buses. It's madness trying to stay alive where ever we walk. the food is very good, but you have to like kimchi, tofu, and spicy. I like it, but it does taste the same after a while.

Apparently you have to use a special "global ATM" to be able to get any money out. It was interesting trying to find one. The internet helps :)

We splurged on Indian food last night. like I said, it's familair and a favorite of both Brent and myself. There is something comforting about familiar foods, faces, places. I'm still trying to put my finger on the reason why. In any case, I understand why my international friends feel lost in an American restaurant, or are afraid to ask for directions or what a certain food is at the grocery store. Ah yes, I understand.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Our First few days in Seoul, Korea.

Yes, it's true. We decided to travel back in time and see how heavy the hair was.
Don't we look stunning?

Me and Misook at a palace in Seoul. It's been fun to see and catch up with Misook again. She has been a wonderful guide.

We are learning a lot about city life in Korea. The subway is a maze, but pretty convenient. Brent's not so sure we will ever come out again, but we do, every time :)

Thursday, May 12, 2011

An Expectation

We have an expectation.
Grace is not even mentioned.
We expect to receive what we think we deserve.

We condemn those that receive rain when they deserve famine
"We deserve rain!"
He says, "Nope. You all deserve hell."

Grace has nothing to do with "Human rights".
He sees Jesus; what He did in our place.
Good people do not exist; sorry, we were born that way.

But that's when the good part comes.
Jesus' grace is free, really, grace is not earned!
We should all expect hell; instead He gave us Himself.

Since no one deserves any good thing
no one is beyond saving.
We are all in the same boat. All of us.

So this is what I've learned
from heartache; I'm stepping forward
I ache more for truth, yet I'm afraid of what I'll find

Healing is the beginning
joy is found in knowing; while waiting.
peace is knowing that while waiting... He's not sleeping.

He's awake and triumphant.
Slashing through darkness with a machete of piercing truth.
Can I have some of your truth my Lord?
Humbly I wait... for truth to come and stab my darkness with blinding perfection.

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
out of the miry clay

And I will sing
sing a new song
yes I will sing
sing a new song

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lamentations 3: 20-29

Remember my affliction and my wandering, the (Y)wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely (Z)my soul remembers
And is (AA)bowed down within me.
21This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have (AB)hope.
22The LORD'S (AC)lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
(AD)For His compassions never fail.
23They are new (AE)every morning;
Great is (AF)Your faithfulness.
24"The LORD is my (AG)portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I (AH)have hope in Him."
25The LORD is good to those who (AI)wait for Him,
To the person who (AJ)seeks Him.
26It is good that he (AK)waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD.
27It is good for a man that he should bear
The yoke in his youth.
28Let him (AL)sit alone and be silent
Since He has laid it on him.
29Let him put his mouth in the (AM)dust,
Perhaps there is (AN)hope.

I don't even understand this passage. I don't know how anyone can wait silently. What does that really mean? I can pretend I'm not hurting. Lord, your going to hear about it! I'm not good at waiting, but who is? I"m not good at being silent. I'm loud in thought, song and opinion. I'm prideful. I'm mindful of Job and what the Lord said to him.

Job 40: 1-14

1Then the LORD said to Job,
2"Will the faultfinder (A)contend with the Almighty?
Let him who (B)reproves God answer it."

3Then Job answered the LORD and said,
4"Behold, I am insignificant; what can I reply to You?
I (C)lay my hand on my mouth.
5"Once I have spoken, and (D)I will not answer;
Even twice, and I will add nothing more."

God Questions Job
6Then the (E)LORD answered Job out of the storm and said,
7"Now (F)gird up your loins like a man;
I will (G)ask you, and you instruct Me.
8"Will you really (H)annul My judgment?
Will you (I)condemn Me (J)that you may be justified?
9"Or do you have an arm like God,
And can you (K)thunder with a voice like His?
10"(L)Adorn yourself with eminence and dignity,
And clothe yourself with honor and majesty.
11"Pour out (M)the overflowings of your anger,
And look on everyone who is (N)proud, and make him low.
12"Look on everyone who is proud, and (O)humble him,
And (P)tread down the wicked where they stand.
13"(Q)Hide them in the dust together;
Bind them in the hidden place.
14"Then I will also confess to you,
That your own right hand can save you.

All these things are true. But.... I'm not there yet. I'm still crying every day when I open His word. I have a hard time praying. Having the composure to pray anything, but "Help me God!" or "I really wanted him. Why did you take him from me?" I know the truth in my head. My heart needs to follow.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Disapointment, Love and Faith

Dear baby,
For some reason I know you were going to be a boy. Call it mother's intuition. Maybe that's why we affectionately called you Roscoe (just a pet name, you understand). I don't know why you had to leave so early. I don't blame you. I would love to see Jesus too. Imagine Him being the first person I ever saw! How merciful and fantastic that would be. But why even come in the first place and make us attached to you? I don't understand that. I feel tired from thinking about it. I lose my appetite when I see the numbers on the calendar, marking each new week of your growth inside me. I should have written them in pencil.
I am still cramping, trying to heal and physically move on. My mind is trying to get over everything that I learned about your development... up til now. I'm glad that I saw you inside of me. I needed that little glimpse, even though you had already left. I have cried a lot. I needed to cry. I talk about you a lot to many people. It's only right to talk about my baby.
Your daddy is a fantastic person. I wish you could have have met him. He would have made you into a mechanic, fruit tree-grafting, builder, and jack of all trades. You would have rolled your eyes at all of his dumb jokes and grinned as he tried to start the campfire with nothing but the sparks flying off the car battery. But I guess your not really missing much, really. We love you but you are perfect and whole as you are now. Jesus is taking you to the park and your riding that one crazy roller coaster that I am just sure is up there somewhere.

I miss you and will continue to miss you. I don't fondly pat my tummy anymore. But don't worry about me little man, you will have siblings some day for mommy to feed organic veggies and flaxseed to. You will roll your eyes at my healthy concoctions and thank God you can eat whatever you want while your brothers and sisters suffer down here with mom, he he. There is hope, I can feel it. There is disappointment too. There is love, from us to you, and there is faith; that somehow this will make us whole, better. Love,
Momma b

Monday, January 31, 2011


I'm tired of getting sick every month. For those of you who read this semi regularly. It's about time I updated.

For a few years, several years ago, I went through a "martyr kick". I read about martyrs, bought Foxe's book of Martyrs, got the magazine, a weekly e-newsletter, and dreamt about being a martyr someday. Sometimes I would lament during a particular illness "I'm such a baby now, how will I ever stand up in the face of persecutors wanting to destroy me?" It may sound funny, but such was my passion.

My body has not been functioning at peak capacity since I said "I Do", or since we moved into this duplex, ( I don't know which one). If there is a germ to be nurtured and multiplied, I will be the one to do it. I used to get sick once or twice a yr. Don't believe me? Well neither does my new doctor. He told me. "I'm a firm believer in "An Apple a Day..." " Well," I said, "I eat tons of fruits and veggies and it hasn't seemed to keep you away yet." (yes, we are getting the duct work completely cleaned out and the house has been tested for mold).

Praise to the Lord the almighty who gives and takes away. The only God our Savior, who "does not owe us anything" (c.a.Zull) (borrowing that one from Crystal).
How can we say to our maker.."Why did you make me this way? " We are the clay.... let's be mushable! He knows how to make us into a vessel usable for him. Let's let him.
Martyrdom always seemed glorious to me. The highest calling possible. There are some that would disagree. I'm still not sure what I think. I do know that even though I would love to functioning normally again, I am thankful for so many things.
  • Jesus is good and will remain good despite me or how many times I get sick.
  • He has given me a wonderful husband. I could not have asked for better.
  • I will heal and learn of his goodness in the meantime.
  • even when I don't believe Him, He is still trustworthy.
  • If feeling under the weather, gets me on my knees, bring it on.
  • If it will induce more people to pray for me and my ministry... ok!
Praise to the Lord, the Almighty the King of Creation! Surly his goodness and mercy will daily sustain me. This post is a prayer and a cry for prayer. I am daily fighting against discouragement. I am encouraged by so many people, so many circumstances, and by my Jesus.