Sunday, August 19, 2012
Random rants from a Pre-mom
Why are there flies buzzing around my head? Is it my shampoo? I find it annoying. I feel like writing a gazillion things about pre-mommyhood. A lot of them are not positive, as I selfishly think about all my discomforts, hormones, bladder issues, aches and pains, constipation, etc. At the same time I feel forced to think positively, and that makes me more negative. So for now, honesty is the best policy. There seems to be so many voices saying "it will be fine", "you should be thankful", etc. I'm tired of those voices. I cannot choose, or force myself to have a good attitude, it's a gift of mercy from our Father, to those with willing hearts and minds. It is important to be honest and to cry selfish tears during this time, as it is good practice for later (or so I'm told). I cannot make this baby come, even with the "timeless classic remedies" passed on from friends and family members who swear on the Bible that they work. Holding feelings inside and plastering on a fake smile when a dozen cashiers exclaim " Are you at the "get him out of me" phase?", doesn't help anything or anyone. Many of you may disagree. I'm cool with that. I am realizing how important this part of a song is to me right now. "Weeping may last for an evening, but joy comes in the morning." I think the weeping leads to the joy. What if we never wept? Would we recognize true joy when it came? The release of honest emotion is more healing and joy releasing for me then "trying my best" to be gracious.When I can see the reason behind the madness it's great. And I know we are supposed to simply trust Him. Deep down inside, I know this will end. I do trust it will bring forth fruit. I feel that fruit kicking me fiercely and nightly. I see evidence, I feel evidence, and soon will hear the evidence. Oh the joy that will bring. I am incredibly excited about our son. The suspense is killing me. Can I just be honest?