The Pride in Me.

This is an excerpt from my prayer journal. It is one of the most significant lessons I have learned.

Dear Jesus,

I have been listening to a lot of missionary vocab recently. The most prevelant word in this unique and sometimes cheesy language is "calling". "My calling is to orphans in Russia, or "I feel God calling me to Lithuainia." Is this "call" really biblical? Did Paul, Peter, James, John, etc feel called to go where ever they went? They obeyed your voice Jesus. Maybe this word is used so many times that it has lost its meaning. What if I don't "feel" called anywhere but go where I am needed, which could be anywhere? So to obey is better then sacrifice, or to put it another way, "to obey is better then religious acts. (end quote)
So to obey you i will go home to my family. I feel like you are calling me to minister to my family for a time in person. my pride tells me i am 25 and need to be "further along in life" then this. how the world measures success is not how Jesus measures it. I need a ministry, a "calling", a job, SOMETHING TO KEEP ME BUSY! But in my business i miss out what He is teaching me.

I met this girl at the conference named Beth. She has moved home twice since college and God has taught her through it. She is not a dependent of her parents and a leech but a women who obeyed God's voice. It gave her the freedom to hear from God in a unique way and minister to her family. She is now going into full time ministry overseas.
I take my family for granted. I am not a home body but I am very close with my family. I want to be where God wants me to be, not where I am conquering the jungles of Indonesia in order to be recognized and seen as great. Hard lesson to learn. I needed it.